She keeps her built-in cellphone charger under her skirt this time, but Machete‘s unheralded MVP is back to deliver all the drug-addicted prostitution action you can handle. (If you’re me, that’s a lot. FYI.)… Continue Reading
A Bastion of Bacchanalian Booyah
Tag Archives: video
Steve Jobs May Be A Pervert (Also, Leggings Are Not Pants)
Judging by Steve’s wardrobe choices, he’s also an international spy. Or a cat burglar. Or French, which brings us right back around to “pervert”…. Continue Reading
Willow Smith Makes Me Want To Slit My Throat Back and Forth
Don’t worry; I’ll just do it over the scars that resulted from the Seven Pounds incident…. Continue Reading
Guitar Heroine: The Greatest Musical Instrument Sex Video Ever (NSFW)
WARNING: This video depicts fictional sexual violence. A non-consenting guitar is fondled, thrown forcibly on to a bed, ravaged, and then thrown away like so much refuse. Please remember, kids: not being able to say no, means no…. Continue Reading
Georgia May Jagger Clearly Doesn’t Understand “T-Shirt Time”
Photo: Georgia May Jagger, for Hudson Jeans. Erection: me, for whatever’s hiding under her elbow…. Continue Reading
7 Reasons Daniel Tosh Is Full Of It
Hey, Tosh! Next time you want to make a great internet video, hire an expert consultant. I don’t come cheap, but I do have a PhD in awesome…. Continue Reading
The 5 Worst Vaginal Security Systems
For thousands of years, with the feminine love-tunnel constantly under siege by testosteronic forces, there has been a cottage industry centered around methods of protecting a woman’s baby bungalow from breaking-and-entering. For the most part, this industry’s efforts have not worked out so well…. Continue Reading
The Link Parts Are… Cheesy! (featuring Alison Brie)
Satellite problems, the anti-rape iPod, sneaky self-abuse, Katy Perry channels Mel Gibson, murderously good porn, and Twilight fans need to shut the hell up. For reals…. Continue Reading
Clare Grant: There’s More To Seth Green’s Wife Than Lightsaber Nipples (NSFW)
My notes say “…she also has a Fahrenheit 451 ass”, but I’m not sure what that means. I need to stop reading science fiction and masturbating while high. Hm… okay, I’ll stop tomorrow…. Continue Reading
Natalia Paris Likes Bikinis & Apparently Watches Lots of Porn (NSFW)
If there’s ever a Colombia’s Got Talent, Natalia is a lock to make the show. Crappy singing vs. teddy bear humping? That’s not even a contest, man…. Continue Reading