Tag Archives: tiger woods

Shocking News: Nick Cannon Is A Dick

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PICTURED: Nick Cannon receives relationship counseling from Chris Brown. And if I'm not mistaken, a reach-around.

An inexplicably famous pseudo-comedian and official Carrier of Mariah’s Purse, Nicky has finally clarified who he is, relative to all the other chunks of pop-cultural driftwood out there: he’s Tammy Wynette from 1968. Check out the marital science he dropped on the world via Twitter:

If Tiger’s wife is a ride or die chick she will be right there with him at the Press Conference! Marriage is supposed to be for life

What happened to for better or for worst? Isn’t marriage supposed to be a life long union? A bond where 2 become 1, right?

Yes, Nick Cannon just established for us that his musical touchstone for the timeless intimacy of wedded bliss is… the Spice Girls.

You da man, Nick! And by “da man”, I mean that most mystifying of personality combos, a misogynist pussy.

(hat tip: Crushable)

Amazon Eve Is More Woman Than You Can Handle

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In his seemingly endless quest to bang and subsequently alienate every woman on the planet, I suggest Tiger Woods give Amazon Eve a shot. For two reasons:

  1. Amazon Eve is 6’8″, so at some point, there would be a sex tape. I mean, you don’t climb a mountain and fail to document it, right? I would pay money to see that.
  2. A scorned Eve could presumably do worse than shatter a car window with a golf club. (Think Tiger Penis Soup.) I would pay even more money to see that. Hell, I would give a six year-old cancer patient’s make-a-wish donations to see it.

Amazon Eve, 7' bikini model, in a red bikini with a petite friend.

What, are you kidding?! Give a dying child one final, glimmering moment of joy, or see a famous guy get his balls squashed by a pissed-off giantess? How is that even a question?

Amazon Eve looking in mirror wearing bra and panties

I swear, sometimes it’s like I don’t even know you people!