Tag Archives: semen

Pearl Necklace: Jewelry For That Special Someslut

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In search of a gift for the upcoming holiday season, but not sure what your special lady (or even specialer dude) really wants? Look no further than Pearl Necklace, designed by Leah Piepgras. Here’s her site’s description:

Pearl Necklace is a seemingly amorphous cast silver shape on a chain that is actually an accurate representation of semen.

Maybe your semen, Leah. Mine looks more like this:

"It's a spooge rainbow, all the way across the sky...!"

The necklace comes in two designs, one of which is certain to match your lover’s taste in viscous pools of freshly squeezed man-extract.

I prefer the second version… it has more character. The first is immature, like a Boy Scout just rubbed one out over your loved one’s clavicle. That means it’s inappropriate for most adult women, unless she’s an algebra teacher in the Florida public school system, in which case, hey, go wild, tiger… you’re gonna need to mow a lotta lawns to pay for one of these!

Head over to Leah’s site and buy one of these puppies for a cool body-temperature $420.

(hat tip: The Secret Diaries of an Extraordinary Girl)

Ke$ha Is A Hero. And Sticky. But Mostly A Hero. (NSFW)

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Pop-star Ke$ha, showing off her DNA collection.

I’ve heard all the hate the haters have in them. “Ke$ha can’t sing!” they cry. “Ke$ha can’t dance!” they groan. “Ke$ha has no comprehensible reason for existing!” they assert. “Ke$ha needs to be chased around the yard with a power-washer and a bottle of Clorox!” they insist.

But now, seeing her covered in more little swimmers than the kiddie pool at the local rec center, I know the truth. Ke$ha is a role-model. An icon. A delightful slice of wonderful, sauteed in man-butter.

The only thing that could make this photo more awesome would be her deciding to use it as the cover for her next album.

Friday’s Links Are… Hypoallergenic!

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091118-lungs-amphibian-worm-caecilian_170Lungless Worms: one more thing I didn’t need to know existed – NatGeo News http://bit.ly/1FMDc6
Aside from looking like the Play-Doh snakes we used to make in second grade, this is just disturbing. Well, okay… what’s really disturbing is that my pal Billy’s Play-Doh snakes had mushroom heads, and he always named them “Uncle John”. Weird kid.

Ron Burgandy overpaid? Never! – Forbes.com http://bit.ly/3CdVuz
By the testes of Hercules! Yes, I will concede that at least 75% of everything Will Farrell turns out is straight-up awful. (I’m looking at you, Will Farrell’s kids.) But the one-two punch of Anchorman and Talladega Nights would alone justify giving him half of the 2009 stimulus package. Just think how many people he could employ if he just kept cranking out movies full of delightfully dumb guys… in my home town alone, he would completely wipe out unemployment!

No videogames back then, so they must have blamed stickball for these murders – CNN.com http://bit.ly/1aQxKn
Fascinating factoids about Howard Unruh, who became America’s first mass murdering nutjob in 1949: (1) His last name reads like the sound you make when someone gets kicked in the nads. (2) During his rampage, Howard killed a shoemaker, making him our first mass murderer and the last guy to see an actual, living shoemaker. (3) A witness said of Unruh’s return from WWII that “He’s not right. … He just came back a little different.” Which is cool, because it makes it sound like Germany had a lot in common with Pet Semetary… Nazi zombies rule!

As excuses go, “I’m allergic to your spunk” is at least better than “I have a headache.” | The Daily Telegraph http://bit.ly/2ZzMdG
A couple uses condoms for the first two years of their relationship, and then go bareback on their wedding night… only to discover that his semen gives her blisters.Which makes her the sad, childless lady and him the awesome dude with lava spooge.