Tag Archives: nick cannon

Shocking News: Nick Cannon Is A Dick

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PICTURED: Nick Cannon receives relationship counseling from Chris Brown. And if I'm not mistaken, a reach-around.

An inexplicably famous pseudo-comedian and official Carrier of Mariah’s Purse, Nicky has finally clarified who he is, relative to all the other chunks of pop-cultural driftwood out there: he’s Tammy Wynette from 1968. Check out the marital science he dropped on the world via Twitter:

If Tiger’s wife is a ride or die chick she will be right there with him at the Press Conference! Marriage is supposed to be for life

What happened to for better or for worst? Isn’t marriage supposed to be a life long union? A bond where 2 become 1, right?

Yes, Nick Cannon just established for us that his musical touchstone for the timeless intimacy of wedded bliss is… the Spice Girls.

You da man, Nick! And by “da man”, I mean that most mystifying of personality combos, a misogynist pussy.

(hat tip: Crushable)

Eminem: Mariah Appears To Be A Load Dodger

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Jay-Z And Eminem Perform And Launch DJ Hero - Show

So, um, I think Mariah and Nick may have pissed Eminem off. A little. And in general, when it comes to media warfare related to embarrassing sexcapades and the like, I would think that Marshall Mathers is one of the last people you’d want on the opposing side. Just sayin’.

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(No Flash? Listen here.)

Some folks are fixating on Em’s reference to photos of Mariah, all aflutter at the thought of seeing Ms. Thing nekkid. For me, the best part is a man calling himself out publicly for premature ejaculation. Seriously, how mad do you have to be to do that? “You know what will put this bitch in her place? Telling everyone that I accidentally spewed on her stomach! Genius!” Em is apparently operating on the “she has my cooties now” theory of character assassination.