A Bastion of Bacchanalian Booyah

Tag Archives: mtv

22 Random Things I Thought While Enduring The VMAs

SAMPLE: “I’m pretty sure that if the CDC could get a sample of that Jersey Shore/Chelsea Handler hot tub water, we’d have a fair shot at developing a vaccine for every venereal disease that ever existed.”… Continue Reading

Spencer Pratt Is America’s Last Line of Cyber Defense

It’s first line? Shooting Spencer in the face before he can touch a keyboard…. Continue Reading

It All Adds Up: Heidi Montag Replaces Spencer

As in 2 + 2 = Heidi’s a foo. Wow, that sorta rhymed! Now all I need is an opium addiction and a syphilitic mistress so I can be a 19th century poet!… Continue Reading

Jersey Shore: Snooki Ascendant

Yes, she’s the size of an Underpants Gnome and the color of an Oompa Loompa, but she still rulez…. Continue Reading

Okay, Beyoncé… You’re Forgiven

Pop stars can do the kindest things when they’re not busy making you feel like a discarded chunk of love-gristle on the resplendent plate of romance…. Continue Reading

Kristin Cavallari Is Wise Beyond Measure

Where “wise” means “hot in a bikini”, and “beyond measure” means “much to my delight”…. Continue Reading

Charlotte Church Is A DDiva

Absolute proof of the theory of evolution. Or at least the theory of puberty…. Continue Reading

Will Arnett Loves Abortions, Impregnating Mouths

This is the face of a very bad man…. Continue Reading