Unlike the reimagined Battlestar Galactica, with it’s smokin’ hot, murderous robot-love-toys, the BSG prequel Caprica would seem at first glance to be missing a bit of sexual oomph. Unless your idea of “hot” is Eric Stoltz playing Space Tennis with Trixie from Deadwood… in which case, go stand over there and stop creeping me out, pervert.

NOT SEXIFIED:

EXTREMELY SEXIFIED:

Tricia Helfer & Grace Park appear courtesy of my infinite benevolence. Eric Stoltz's head appears courtesy of a bottle of chloroform, a hacksaw, and my basement. Er, I mean... Photoshop.

Fortunately, the producers of Caprica didn’t completely lose their minds, and in the pilot, they threw in a few orgy sequences just to keep my attention. Sequences that are a lot better on the uncensored DVD than they will be on TV or in this clip:

And now they’ve released this poster of the show’s female lead:

WHAT THIS POSTER SAYS TO ME: The show's about a gothy, vegan vampire named Caprica who works in a titty bar and moonlights as a pro-life advocate. Look kids! It's both ironic and Twilighty!

“The future of humanity begins with a choice,” eh? More like the future of my erection begins with Alessandra Torresani here. Interestingly, this is one of the few photos where she actually looks all of her 22 years… in most shots, she looks more like this:

I feel so, so dirty right now. But not as dirty as I'll feel once my right hand is done typing.

SECRETS OF HOLLYWOOD STARLETS #432: Fresh air and flash bulbs do a vagina good.

I’ve gotta say, though, all hotness aside, this has to be my favorite photo of her:

Here, Alessandra looks lovely, and Eric looks like, well... let's be honest. Ya just get the feeling that he smells like a cardboard refrigerator box soaked in Mad Dog and stale urine.

The only thing that could make it any better would be Gary Busey and Nick Nolte just off-camera, waiting for their chances to cop a feel.