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I don’t like to pick on fat girls, or anyone who isn’t absolutely begging for it, really. I’m a dick, sure, but I’m not a total rat-bastard. Easy targets are only fun when they paint bullseyes on their balls.

So all these years, I’ve left you alone to go about your business. Sure, your family comprised the four horsemen of MTV’s apocalypse –leading directly to what is now a video-free wasteland of faux-reality crap– but you were a kid, and Ozzy was demented. I can forgive.

Now, though? You’re thin. Possibly even hot, when viewed from certain angles. Your transformation has been nothing less than impressive. Bravo. I mean, for fuck’s sake, there was a time I couldn’t tell the difference between you and Eddie Izzard:

…and now you can wear tight dresses and be all sexy. I get it. Truly.

But please, do us both a favor and return your outfit to the Madonna/Courtney Love community garage sale so I don’t have to start using words like “desperate skank”. Mmkay?

with appreciation,
WCBPB

via: The Superficial