So who is Bianca Gascoigne? Well, if you care about the unimportant details: she’s 22 as of this writing, and the adopted step-daughter of hard-drinking, frequently-fighting, and borderline nuts English footballer Paul Gascoigne. She’s done the rounds in all the standard British lad mags (Loaded, Nuts, FHM, etc.), and has done a couple of those reality shows that U.S. viewers mostly tired of in 2004.

But if you want to know what really matters about Bianca, here ’tis: she is WCBPB’s first official Poster Child. The WCBPB Poster Child is crowned based on his or her ability to personify all the things that we write about here, summing up –in the space of a single, brief lifetime– all the shit that makes life blurry, sweaty, and pantsless.

Shall I demonstrate the dear lady’s qualifications?

Exhibit A: Daaaamn.

Exhibit B: She will kick another chick in the cooch to get her way.

Exhibit C: She knows how to work an impromptu pole.

Exhibit D: She upstaged Miley Cyrus at the opening of Miley's own movie.

Exhibit E: She can act like an adorable slut one day...

...and a right proper lady the next.

As you can see, Bianca is seriously prepared for this illustrious honor. Long may she reign! (At least until I get bored and replace her.)