Tag Archives: beaches

Bootyography: The Ass: A Retrospective

Posted on by
Reply

Closeup of girl's ass in a striped bikini, taken at Panama City Beach, Florida during Spring Break 2003

serendipity: (noun) what you get when you’re trying to take a picture of a hot girl and an even hotter girl sticks her ass in the lens

back dimples on a girl in a black bikini bottom Panama City Beach, Florida during Spring Break 2003

It’s pretty amazing, the way tastes evolve. Ten years ago, if you had asked me to name two highly attractive parts of a woman’s body, I wouldn’t have included “abdomen” or “lower back” in the list. Now I’m fascinated by both. Apparently, the lesson is: “work it out, show it off, and it will eventually become ‘hot’”.

woman in white swimsuit gets her butt spanked by a guy during Spring Break in PCB

a perfect bottom
energetically spanked
gets a drunk dude slapped

a chick's small bottom in black boyshorts in Florida during SB2003

Boyshorts are the best thing that ever happened to girls with tiny butts. And the guys who love them, of course.

Adrian Grenier Might Be A Bad Ass

Posted on by
Reply
Adrian Grenier shirtless on South Beach

Here we see Adrian Grenier –he of the worn-out-its-welcome Entourage– modeling the seldom-seen and always-disturbing Dorsal Happy Trail.

The problem with a DHT isn’t its simple existence, of course; it’s what the DHT suggests about his taint topiary. Primarily, that under those shorts lurks a thicket of ass pubes so dense that it could easily collapse into a black ho– wait… god… oh, why did I type that?! Why is the backspace key not working?! Aghhhhh!

I think I need a rape shower. A mind rape shower.

AnnaLynne McCord Does The Montag Mambo

Posted on by
Reply
Its On Your Mark, Get Set, Go! for AnnaLynne McCord at her birthday party in Malibu

Here’s the thing I don’t understand about myself: when Heidi Montag throws a party for herself and puts on a show for the press, I fear for the future of my nation… but when AnnaLynne does it, I fear only for the future of my pants.

Its On Your Mark, Get Set, Go! for AnnaLynne McCord at her birthday party in Malibu

Sure, part of it is that Ms. McCord oozes sex the way Jabba oozed slime. (That’s a compliment. I swear.) She could sit on a tree limb in a public park and fling shit at passers-by and I’d find a way to call it “cute”. And probably applaud her aim.

AnnaLynne McCord celebrates her birthday playing beach tennis in a skimpy red bikini in Malibu

But somehow that just doesn’t feel fair. Heidi can’t help that, in playing herself on TV and marrying someone whose childhood playhouse was a Summer’s Eve box, she inevitably irritates me. I mean, if someone had given Heidi a shot –as they did AnnaLynne– at playing smokin’ hot jailbaity-ish goodness on Nip/Tuck, I’m sure she would have given it what passes for her all.

In the end, I guess whatever is, is. I’ll have to accept that the universe isn’t a just realm, and forgive myself for my part in a rigged game. That, and my dry-cleaning bill.