Watchmen was not the greatest movie ever made, and Couples Retreat wasn't even the greatest pile of shit ever made. (That honor goes to me, for last night's Taco Bueno-driven, multi-Couric masterpiece.) But neither of them missed perfection in their respective niches due to Malin Akerman. Even that horrible Silk Spectre wig couldn't keep her down. She's so fine, I'd pay good money just to sniff her hair; although in fairness, with the smell of post-colonic chicken fajitas lingering in the air, I'd willingly sniff a camel right now.

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• Who’s High? A School Suspends a Student for Bloodshot Eyes - TIME
  First off, what do you expect when you live in a town calling itself “Trophy Club”? Weird shit is going to happen to you, and if it doesn’t involve the city council hunting you in the woods as the Most Dangerous Game, you’re doing well. Second, if I had a family member murdered two days earlier, the school would be fortunate if I bothered to show up wearing pants, let alone sober.
• Giddyup: Saddle seat a new squeeze on fliers? – CNN
  On the positive side, you could learn a lot about people by watching them strap into one of these things on your next flight. For example, anyone smiling has at least one piece of sex furniture at home. Good to know.
• The 10 Hottest Girls At The 2010 VMAs – Complex
  Um, no. A list that suggests Nicki Minaj is anything but ridiculous-looking is automatically invalid. Next thing ya know, Complex will try reminding us of how hot Sarah Jessica Parker is.
• YouTube Time Machine Takes You Back to the Good Old Days – Urlesque
  All I’m sayin’ is, if I punch in “1982″, I expect some fucking Joanie Loves Chachi. Is that too much to ask?
• Dennis Rodman … is Still Dennis Rodman – SLAM
  The Worm would be the modern-day Shaft, if Shaft were just a little bit gay. (I know, I know… shut my mouth.)