This really isn’t what I had in mind when I imagined Ali canoodling in Malibu with another chick.

The rumor among the crass masses is that the small person she’s swinging around is her “daughter”. I give little credence to such piffle, since I firmly believe that Ali Landry will always remain a vaguely naughty figure of purity and hottitude, as exemplified in her Doritos commercials of yesteryear:

The idea that she might have spawned is completely unacceptable. In fact, I’m throwing down the gauntlet: Ali, if you don’t immediately cease this whole “motherhood” routine, I will stop invading your dreams and ravishing you to the point that both your body and mind tremble on the edge of complete surrender.

Yeah, I know. I’m a cold bastard. But you started it, baby.

NOTE: Check out Jack from Will & Grace in that second video, drooling over an acrobatic Ms. Landry. That, folks, is what you call acting.