I know you’re tempted. After all, he seems like a good boy. But before long, you’ll see that he never calls his mother and hasn’t had a job in forever. Then where will you be? Sitting alone with way too many jars of peanut butter, that’s where…. Continue Reading
A Bastion of Bacchanalian Booyah
Author Archives:
Katy Perry Has Not Been Kidnapped. Or So They Say.
Looks to me like she’s been taken hostage. Seriously, she could only look more like a kidnap victim if she were holding today’s newspaper in her teeth…. Continue Reading
Christina Aguiler-oh-my-god-it’s-eating-her-pants!
Between this and giving birth, she’s had enough kids and fabric wedged in there to qualify her vag as a sweat shop…. Continue Reading
Julianne Hough Laughs Through The Shame
Pictured: Julianne Hough laughs light-heartedly as she shows off her favorite holiday gift: a fully-articulated, fully-closeted, 1/3 scale action figure made entirely of money and spray-tan juice…. Continue Reading
Hulk Figure Gets Some Action! (NSFW)
This man… this monster… this marital aid!… Continue Reading
Moon Bloodgood Is Pretty, Kristin Kreuk Is Distracting, and Other Discoveries
Moon tells us everything we needed to know about her co-stars, and I tell you everything you needed to know about how I spend my afternoons…. Continue Reading
Stimulus Package: Hot Chicks With Cameras Are Destroying The Economy
Throughout the recent election cycle, we heard a lot of debate about unemployment, tax cuts, and masturbating witches. Know what no one bothered to bring up? The shrinking marketplace for perverts with cameras…. Continue Reading
Taylor Swift Meets An Awesome Kid, Forgets Her Pants
When she does it, it’s sweet. When I do it, I can no longer live next to an elementary school…. Continue Reading
The Link Parts Are… Wired! (featuring An Insane Dude On A Bike)
If you’re wearing a glove, you’re doing it wrong… when taking pride in your work goes awry.. sketchy characters from The Wire… and a uniquely sensitive cabbie…. Continue Reading
Candice Swanepoel Takes Me On A Naked Jungle Adventure (NSFW)
When I think “sexy, nude supermodel,” I think “rainforest.” Unfortunately, then I think “Rainforest Cafe”, and believe me, no matter how hungry you are, that place won’t seat you with a visible erection…. Continue Reading