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Roger

Roger

Author Bio: A philosopher-king in exile, Roger has been forced by fate to wander the wilderness in pursuit of good Italian food and a sort of ring-like thingie –passed down to him by a sacred order of sexy, amoral executive assistants and stolen by this chick he met at a party, he thinks her name was “M”-something– that is possessed of a power that can shake the very foundations of the globe. Except that globes don’t have foundations, so he mostly just checks out hot chicks and cultivates a Lebowski-eqsue lifestyle.

Dear Kelly Osborne…

Dear Kelly Osborne…

By Roger on September 2, 2010

Good taste –not unlike River Phoenix– died outside the Viper Room.

Posted in From Afar | Tagged kelly osborne | Leave a response

Kristina Rose: My New(d) Cleaning Lady (NSFW)

Kristina Rose: My New(d) Cleaning Lady (NSFW)

By Roger on September 2, 2010

It’s about time I hired someone. My apartment smells like old frozen dinners and shame.

Posted in From Afar | Tagged bikinis, kristina rose, nsfw, porn, video | Leave a response

Machete Confirms It: Lindsay Lohan Is A Walking Afterschool Special

Machete Confirms It: Lindsay Lohan Is A Walking Afterschool Special

By Roger on September 1, 2010

We’ve all seen Lindsay get naked and do drugs. So Robert Rodriguez decided to take things up a notch…

Posted in From Afar | Tagged lindsay lohan, movies | Leave a response

Khloe Kardashian Poses A Fascinating Question

Khloe Kardashian Poses A Fascinating Question

By Roger on August 31, 2010

So many possible answers. Disturbing, terrifying answers.

Posted in From Afar | Tagged bikinis, khloe kardashian, kim kardashian, vagina, vanessa Hudgens | Leave a response

50 Cent: Just Like Sarah Palin

50 Cent: Just Like Sarah Palin

By Roger on August 31, 2010

What? They both love guns, have a taste for expensive clothes, and are as articulate as a toddler with a mouthful of thumb-tacks.

Posted in Random Stuff | Tagged 50 cent, celebrity, jon gosselin, mel gibson, phil mcgraw, sarah palin, twitter | Leave a response

Disney Truth: Belle & Ariel Explain Life To Young Girls

Disney Truth: Belle & Ariel Explain Life To Young Girls

By Roger on August 30, 2010

Continuing education: it’s important, people!

Posted in Random Stuff | Tagged art, comedy, disney, j. scott campbell, porn, video | Leave a response

Can you believe someone this hot doesn't seem to have so much as bikini shot out there somewhere?

Machete’s Naked Girl: “It’s Too Hot For Clothes.”

By Roger on August 30, 2010

In related news, my pants are suddenly tighter. Or would be, if I were wearing pants. Which I’m not, because, you know… the heat.

Posted in From Afar | Tagged eva mendez, machete, mayra leal, movies | Leave a response

Helen Mirren Got Her Goddess On (NSFW)

Helen Mirren Got Her Goddess On (NSFW)

By Roger on August 28, 2010

Bet ya didn’t think you’d see “Helen Mirren” and “NSFW” together, did ya? Never underestimate me, my friends.

Posted in From Afar | Tagged celebrity, helen mirren, nsfw, nudity | Leave a response

Riley Steele, owner of the best ass and second-most celebrated set of boobs in Piranha 3D, demonstrates the much-loved Waist-Twisting, Booty-Popping, Twitpic Pose. Now if only medical science can find a way to fix that hand growing out of her armpit.

Riley Steele Is Much Sexier Than Richard Dreyfuss

By Roger on August 23, 2010

You need proof? They cut the money shot scene out of Mr. Holland’s Opus.

Posted in From Afar | Tagged 3d, movies, piranha, porn, richard dreyfuss, riley steele | Leave a response

Dear Cosmo: Go Trim Your Bush, Hippies! (NSFW)

Dear Cosmo: Go Trim Your Bush, Hippies! (NSFW)

By Roger on August 20, 2010

I firmly believe that Cosmopolitan magazine hates our freedom.

Posted in Random Stuff | Tagged bikinis, jessica alba, vagina | Leave a response

Next »

Hot Articles

Bootyography: Wet T-Shirts Are To Dudes As Rainbows & Unicorns Are To Six Year-Old Girls

Bootyography: Wet T-Shirts Are To Dudes As Rainbows & Unicorns Are To Six Year-Old Girls

By Roger on November 16, 2009

A probing, thoughtful examination of our culture’s attitudes toward the female breast. (High-beams included at no extra charge.)

Category: On The Scene

Yeah, that's about right.

Avengers #1, Part 1: Norse Gods & Mila Kunis

By Roger on September 4, 2009

See, you’re just dying to know how those things come together, aren’t ya? Frankly, I’m a little surprised myself.

Category: Break It Down

Gratuitous Spring Break: Skinny Britney & Friend (Part the First)

Gratuitous Spring Break: Skinny Britney & Friend (Part the First)

By Roger on August 26, 2009

Welcome to excerpts from my private photo album, or as the cops will one day refer to it, evidence.

Category: On The Scene

Nice Tweets: @kayden_kross

Nice Tweets: @kayden_kross

By Roger on August 6, 2009

Kayden Kross does naughty naked things in front of a camera. I would too, but cameras aren’t designed to capture that much sexy.

Category: From Afar

Long Distance Telepathy Works: Vanessa Hudgens Swears Off Breeding

Long Distance Telepathy Works: Vanessa Hudgens Swears Off Breeding

By Roger on August 4, 2009

For my next trick… assless chaps for everyone!

Category: From Afar

Picking Nits With Olivia Munn

Picking Nits With Olivia Munn

By Roger on July 27, 2009

Sometimes people make mistakes. Even beautiful people. I know that doesn’t sound right, but I checked.

Category: From Afar

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Disclaimer

What, are you kidding? Obviously, nothing you read here should be taken as fact, news, or even vaguely reliable gossip. This stuff is so fundamentally unreal that it's possible you only think you're reading it when you're really staring at a blank wall and humming 99 Luftballoons.

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