Isn't she lovely, isn't she wonderful...

Christina Aguiler-oh-my-god-it’s-eating-her-pants!

PICTURED: Christina Aguilera indulging in a daring fashion experiment, coupling ironic camo gear with a pair of Lycra Beaver Cleavers, and topping it all off with shades that look like she stole them from an 85 year-old glaucoma patient. (Grandma be comin' for you, bitch.)

Every picture tells a story… especially the one where hotel security footage captures you snorting coke off the naked scalp of a midget prostitute halfway through her second round of chemo. Some pictures convey too much for a single story, though. And this is one such picture. This is a photo with which Homer could have sailed a thousand tales. Granted, 998 of them would have been about yeast infections, but the point stands.

PROTIP: Always remember to feed the Kraken before releasing it.

For example: everyone knows that in 1959, DuPont scientist Joseph Shivers accidentally discovered the formula for spandex while masturbating with a rubber band under an apple tree. What most never realized, however, is that DuPont has been steadily and quietly introducing flavor additives to the formula over the years, resulting in occasional instances of pudendal mastication, as Xtina so capably demonstrates here.

So what flavors do vaginas most enjoy? My guesses: chocolate, strawberry, and cock sweat. Or in the case of Julianne Hough, pussy.

(via Hollywoodtuna)

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