Machete’s Naked Girl: “It’s Too Hot For Clothes.”

Is there any coherent way to explain Machete? Okay, there’s the generous explanation: Danny Trejo is awesome, and he’s already so old that he looks like he’s ready to do an angry, Mexican version of Gran Torino, so giving him a starring vehicle as a going-away present is nice.

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But c’mon, this is just ridiculous… and not in a cool way. Let’s ignore for a moment the goofy action that represents Robert Rodriguez’s (failed) attempt to match Kill Bill‘s over-the-top gore, and the latina Barbie-doll dialog coming from a naked Eva Mendez look-alike, and what’s left? A paunchy, melted-face shadow of this guy:

Speaking of Eva Mendez look-alikes, this one is named Mayra Leal, and she already has one huge advantage over the original: she seems positively enthused to get naked in front of the camera. That means Mayra is officially hot and my hero, and with any luck, in her next movie, her character will even have a name.

Eva 1.0: She cries after doing nude scenes, but seems quite happy to give us mesh-boobed upskirts. You're a strange woman, Eva. I love you, but you're strange.

Eva 2.0: Can you believe someone this hot doesn't seem to have so much as a bikini shot out there somewhere? Fire your publicist, Mayra. Or hire one.

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hat tip: Topless Robot

UPDATE: Okay, I still haven’t seen Machete. But I have seen some more clips of Mayra in Machete, and they are goooooood. Not because I’ve suddenly decided that Rodriguez’s script sounds better, but because the red-band trailer above gives the wrong impression of her character.

I much prefer this impression:

2 thoughts on “Machete’s Naked Girl: “It’s Too Hot For Clothes.”

  1. Roger Post author

    Cool! And by the way, I used to live in Houston, and it’s nice to see a movie come out of somewhere other than Austin.

    Oh, and if you stumble across this, Mayra? The “Barbie doll” comment was about the script, not you. You’re awesome. Plus, I see you as more Bratz than Barbie.

    Reply

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