Mel and Oksana during happier times, when she was just a stupid bitch donkey, rather than a stupid bitch donkey WHORE.
At this point, I think we’re all agreed that The Man Without A Face could probably stand to lose his pie-hole as well. Just to prove the point, Mel got caught on tape dropping some serious relationship science on his baby-mama, Oksana Grigorieva.
“You’re an embarrassment to me,” Mel tells her at one point.
“You look like a fucking pig in heat…”
First off, let’s remember that Oksana looks like this:
"Oink, darling."
If that’s a pig, dude, then bring me a blanket and a vat of maple syrup. I’m chowin’ down. How spoiled do you have to be to think that a woman who still looks this good at 40 is an embarrassment? Mel really is out of his mind!
…
Wait… hold on a second. I’ve got a hot little Women’s Studies major who likes to drop by the house every other Thursday and videotape herself kicking me in the nuts, and I owe her $15 from last week. While I’m paying up, let me see what she has to say about this. Gimme a few minutes.
…
Wow. So, she’s saying that he didn’t actually mean that she’s an embarrassment. That he was simply striking at her in a fit of hateful pique through the dual channels of her physical appearance and sexuality, hoping to cow and degrade her so that he could –if only for a moment– regain control over a woman he clearly once considered his bought-and-paid-for possession.
Oooooooohhhhhhhhh! Now I get it! I am so fucking relieved, people! My balls really ache, and I’m completely out of cash, but on the whole, this is relief I’m feeling. Possibly internal bleeding, too, but definitely relief.
Mel didn’t actually mean any of this things he said! I was beginning to worry, given the remainder of his comment:
“You look like a fucking pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of niggers, it will be your fault.”
To a dumbass like me, that would seem to suggest –at first glance– that this guy has devolved into a bitter old cumstain who spews random vitriol in every non-Mel-Gibsonian direction he can find, with or without the slightest provocation. Which really doesn’t square with the image of a dude who will risk his own life pulling a middle-aged black man off an exploding toilet.
Thank Hermes for subtext! And sexy coeds named Larissa who know what I need!
