As a kid, I was told that drugs are evil, and if a bag of happy powder were to ever be proffered, I should shout “Bad touch!” and go hide under my bed next to the hollowed-out Nerf football that served as my first girlfriend. (Her name was Mathilda, and while I couldn’t make her spiral, I could definitely make her squish.) Also, I think someone mentioned something about “just saying no,” which I never understood, ’cause that’s no way to make friends.
Okay, Linds... let's cut to the chase. Just do porn. Jenna Jameson's fortune would be nothing compared to what you'd bring in. And even though your face can't hide the hard living, you'd still be among the ten hottest chicks in the biz.
Looking at these bizarrely hot photos of Lindsay Lohan, though, I now realize that Nancy Reagan was not being entirely forthcoming with me. Sure, Keith Richards and Courtney Love have taken the Heroin Train to Overdoseington so many times that their faces look like someone stretched Clint Eastwood’s dehydrated scrotum over a bundle of wire hangers and discarded Play-Doh. But cocaine?
Christ, it's not like you'd need to change your lifestyle, and frankly, you'd probably get checked for STDs more often.
That shit is obviously the cosmetic equivalent of an overindulgent fairy godmother who keeps creating new gowns for Cinderella no matter how many times the little skank stumbles home from the ball at 4am covered in a crime lab’s worth of DNA and reeking of Night Train and urinal cakes.
And talk about getting back your "It Girl" status! Shee-it! You could do one fuck-flick a year, and EVERYONE would watch it. You could be the person who finally, fully mainstreams porno. You'd be number one again.
LiLo looks so good here that I’d be tempted to throw her a fap, ‘cept I happen to be using my iPad at the moment, and I’m not 100% sure that chlamydia can’t be contracted through a touchscreen.
Exactly.
photos: Terry Richardson & Jason Mcdonald
via: The Superficial & Touch Puppet
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