PICTURED: Nick Cannon receives relationship counseling from Chris Brown. And if I'm not mistaken, a reach-around.

An inexplicably famous pseudo-comedian and official Carrier of Mariah’s Purse, Nicky has finally clarified who he is, relative to all the other chunks of pop-cultural driftwood out there: he’s Tammy Wynette from 1968. Check out the marital science he dropped on the world via Twitter:

If Tiger’s wife is a ride or die chick she will be right there with him at the Press Conference! Marriage is supposed to be for life

What happened to for better or for worst? Isn’t marriage supposed to be a life long union? A bond where 2 become 1, right?

Yes, Nick Cannon just established for us that his musical touchstone for the timeless intimacy of wedded bliss is… the Spice Girls.

You da man, Nick! And by “da man”, I mean that most mystifying of personality combos, a misogynist pussy.

(hat tip: Crushable)