On the right, a standard douche. On the left, Summers Eve's new Xtra Value Douche, now with an easy to divorce applicator!
According to The Man Who Ruined Perfection, he decided to lose weight (with help from a VH1 paycheck for being on Celebrity Fit Club 7) after being called “K-Fat”. Yes, that hurt his feelings and forced him to change his entire lifestyle. Somehow, we all managed to miss that this guy is incredibly impressionable. Apparently, my habit of standing outside his house with a bullhorn, screaming “Kill yourself!” eight hours a night, wasn’t quite making the point.
So, Kevin buddy, here are a few more things to take to heart:
- Out of Q-tips but need to clean your ears? Try the barrel of a .22.
- Running with scissors is bad. Instead, try jumping on a trampoline with hedge clippers.
- Chicks think scars are sexy. Know what’s even sexier? Tire impressions.
- Best diet tip: wander through the woods and eat random foliage, mushrooms, and moss. Not only is it filling, but y’know what has zero carbs? Rabid squirrel urine.
- Even though the box at the hardware store says “Wood Chipper”, that’s just a Chinese mistranslation of “Hair Gel Applicator”.
Y’know, I feel really good about this.
(via People.com)