What the hell is SoBe Lifewater? Aside from an opportunity to drink imperceptibly flavored, corporate-branded water from an environment-choking plastic bottle instead of, y’know, drinking from the fucking tap like a normal person?
"Seriously, you guys? Isn't it at least a little insensitive to drought-stricken people for me to stand hip-deep in free water to promote this bottled sewer piss? Huh? Wait... what d'you mean, 'shut up and look naked'?"
Apparently, it is also an excuse to paint a mermaid bikini on a naked Ashley Greene and wait for the internet to descend into a masturbatory frenzy. Which, on balance, is probably okay, ’cause, well… naked Ashley Greene, right?
Excuse me while my consumerist shame takes a backseat to my sexual desperation. Which is also a sort of shame, when ya think about it, so at least I’m not a total sell-out.