Here’s the trailer to Jennifer’s Body, the new horror-comedy from Diablo Cody. Cody used to be a stripper, which should make her right up my alley, except that she’s more nerdy-interesting than actually hot. Fortunately, she’s written a movie that stars The Foxinator and Amanda Seyfried, giving me an excuse to give DC a shout-out.
Y’know, as I watch that, it occurs to me that Amanda is one of the most underrated hotties in Hollywood these days. Question is, why? When she looks like this:
Okay, so this photoshoot is five years old now, and she no longer looks exactly like this. So what? Five years ago, I was holding up liquor stores in eastern Nevada with a coked-up, horny midget named Frieda. My point is, some things don't change. Except Frieda, who has switched to meth.
…she should be at least as big a deal as Scarlett Johansson, right? Yeah, ScarJo was in Ghost World and Lost In Translation, and deserves full credit for being awesome enough to work with both Steve Buscemi and Bill Murray, but Seyfried works with Bill Paxton on Big Love… and as we all know, Paxton is the greatest actor in the history of actorlyness.
I think part of the problem is that she never embarrasses herself. No drunken, public displays, no attention-grabbing Playboy shoots… nothin’. She’s so frickin’ classy that she’s almost instantly disqualified from being featured on this site. This is about as wild and nasty as she gets.
She's so fine, I can even ignore the granny panties and the excruciating memory of her singing old ABBA tunes with Meryl Streep and Pierce Brosnan. Mostly.
It’s like her early exposure to Lindsey Lohan leeched all the hell-raising slut right out of her, leaving her a beautiful, responsible, talented shell of a human being. (This could also explain how boring Rachael McAdams has proven to be.) Damn you, Lohan… do you have to ruin everything, up to and including my fantasies of lipstick lesbianism?!
C’mon, Seyfried… walk that shit off! Get your groove back! Get your freak on! Do anything that involves stuff going off, on, or back anywhere in your immediate vicinity! I don’t care, just give me an excuse to post about you. We’ll both be happier for it. And unlike all the other women I’ve said that to, this time I mean it.
Oh, and just as a cookie for those who made it all the way to the bottom of this post, here’s Megan Fox’s faux PSA for Jennifer’s Body:
UPDATE! From Amanda, regarding her girl-on-girl kiss with Fox in Jennifer’s Body:
Being a lead, you have that weird pressure of feeling like you have to look attractive. In this movie, I didn’t worry about any of that shit. I don’t want to play the one that everybody is supposed to want to have sex with.
Now, see, that kind of attitude is exactly what I’m talking about! Knock it off!
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