• “My kids are outside in the car… wanna meet them?”
• “Check out what I can still do… hold my beer!”
• “I believe in sacrifice to promote the healing of Mother Earth, so I’ve taken time off my modeling career to explore celibacy.”
• “Why does the punch taste like piss? And why is Rodney laughing?”
• “I know this is an awkward moment, but the doctor said it would clear up soon, and I thought you should know.”
• “Does anyone have a plunger?”
• “You say the word, I’ll hit speed-dial, and my mom will have all the action figures cleared off my bed in ten minutes.”
• “Seriously, people! A plunger!”
• “Didn’t I tell you this was a bible study get-together?”
• “It’s like God took a shit on the Everglades in here! Call a plumber!”

And a bonus…

• “Taser! Taser! Taser!”