Apparently, Fred finally found the woman who will touch his balls and ass just right.

On another note, am I the only one seriously disturbed to see that Durst is going gray? WTF? You know what this means, right? Those of us who came of age in the ’90s are about due for a Big Chill-type flick with Winona Ryder, Ethan Hawke, Bridget Fonda, and Kyra Sedgewick moping around, lamenting the days gone by and warbling on about how much better grunge was than everything else. (And it was, fucker.)

Fred Durst: barometer of cultural ossification. I always suspected he might be the First Horseman.

(NOTE: No offense, New Mrs. Durst. You’re lovely and I’m sure a charming soul. I’m just mocking your husband.)